“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”- Marianne Williamson

No sooner than when I started reading the Bible for myself did I realize the height of bullshit Christianity is. I progressively became aware and simultaneously uneasy at the level of unbelief and fearsome dis-ease that plagued the pews I sat in every Saturday. In some way, the Christian culture has found a miserable medium between leading members toward reaching their highest Spiritual potential and having them crawling at baseline powerlessness, both of which are dependent on how much one has allowed the devil to infiltrate his or her life. Such infiltration includes but is far from limited to being evidenced by anything that resembles power outside of Jesus, namely witchcraft.

In the initial months of me pulling away from the church and claiming Earth-based Spirituality and majick, rumours of my transition reached my former best friend and she reached out to me. I will admit that I didn’t have any expectations when the first thing she asked was regarding what cards I was using, however, I was heavily disappointed in her approach. Rather than seeking to innerstand the reasoning and motivation behind the shift, my inbox was graced with YouTube links for videos from a former satanist, warning about satanism. First of all, I DON’T CLAIM THAT NIGGA’S EXISTENCE! The religious and spiritual systems of my bloodline do not acknowledge the existence of a designated spiritual adversary. That’s another thing I could never, for the life of me, grasp about Christianity. Why does an entity who “walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour” get so much attention and credit? Why is it that when one does wrong, the responsibility for the wrongdoing goes to Satan- as if humans don’t have the power to choose. Where is the accountability? Within a religion that teaches that all things good are only possible through an external power, I suppose it is feasible to ascertain that the opposite should be true, right?

Although I can write all day about the contradictory themes in the Bible, I didn’t burn mine because of my realization of its usefulness in my Craft. One of my favourite texts is Proverbs 18:21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” In African Traditional Relgions (ATRs) and their derivative spiritual systems, the most powerful tool is the Practitioner’s tongue. This is not to discredit thought, because that’s where speech is initiated, but the Word is prophecy. It is Creator and Creation. It is the culmination of all things God because it can be used to birth or destroy. I truly believe that this power is what is feared most. I know this to be factual because of my decade-long war with my Mom over what I can or cannot do.

Last semester, I was on a job search and my aunt helped me find employment in a Rehabilitation and Long-term Care facility. Though I was appreciative of the gesture, I quickly learned how dangerous this place was for me, as a novice nurse, due to the unsafe nurse-patient ratios and inconsiderate treatment of employees. I had no desire to be a part of something potentially detrimental to my career, especially so early in its commencement, so I left. My mother soon found out about this move and lectured me on how irresponsible I was being and refused to listen to my reasoning (she has no educational or experiential knowledge in nursing or the medical field). For the weeks following my departure from that job, she repeated spells of doubt over me, telling me that what I was looking for, better working conditions, doesn’t exist. This isn’t the first time she’s done this, so per custom, I blocked her out. For someone who believes in an all-powerful God, her unbelief, projected doubt, and refusal to assist my efforts by praying on my behalf were telling of her decided powerlessness. The oxymoronic dynamic between belief and action is frighteningly imperceptible in the average Christian. Not to mention, her blatant disrespect of my manifestation power was quite telling as well, then again, this isn’t our first time in this kind of conflict. It is documented history that I accomplish whatever the fuck I say I’m going to, unless the Creator presents better, all while battling her mission to counteract my efforts with doubt and outlandish predictions of my failure, based on her belief of what Jesus wants for me. That’s a whole novel on its own, lol.

I kept praying and invoking Ancestral assistance, and two weeks ago, I received an email from an employer about 10 minutes away from me, offering an interview. Let me just highlight that I didn’t apply; they reached out to me. Not only that, compared to the 2.9 rating and 30-60:1 nurse-patient ratio of my former employer, this new place of opportunity has a 5-star overall rating and a 18-24:1 nurse-patient ratio. I went to the interview and got the job on the spot, and all the paperwork for my start date is currently being finalized. I didn’t bother telling my mother this news, because Sis’s innergy was heavy hindering instead of assisting, but when I saw her this passed Sunday, she took it upon herself to congratulate me for landing a job she tried to convince me DOESN’T EXIST.

Her fear has never been that I am incapable or inadequate of all that I reach for, it is, in fact, that I am powerful beyond measure (outside of church culture), and choose to exercise my innate creative prowess in these streets. Fuck fear.

© 2020 The Evolving Goddess