Posted on by Miss Goddess

Counting the Cost

How much does a heart cost? I think our capitalistic view of the body results in our ability to trivialize the fragility of our most crucial organ. What do I mean? In this society, our bodies are commodities. It’s no secret that Amerikkka isn’t a country. It’s a corporation and our bodies are the product being traded on the stock market. Consequently, our worth is determined by how efficiently our avatar is able to function to sustain the system. I am of the conviction that such an existence cascades into how we view ourselves, our loved ones, our peers….strangers. Look how we disregard each other. Take some time to consider how we neglect to practice mindfulness in our interactions. Of course, I’m speaking on a large scale here, as there are Spirits among us who move with intentional integrity.

How much does a heart cost? How much attention do you pay for the impact of your intentions? How much attention do you pay for the impact of your words? What is the price point of your actions when in communion with fellow members of Humanity? If it is factual that the health of the heart contributes to our physical, mental, emotional, and Spiritual well-being, what gift of exchange do you present at the barter of energy and frequency?

Gentleness has been a running theme for myself and other black women, who have grown weary of the expectation of burden-bearing placed on us because of our “strength”. We’ve become aware of our collective fatigue, and the frustration that accompanies it. As a result, we unabashedly express the truth that we desire and deserve to exist sans the burden of carrying everyone and their holistic load along with us. We now know and accept that ease, bliss, peace, and softness are attributes we can cultivate within ourselves, while requiring others to enter our energetic fields with nothing less than their reflections. This is especially true for our romantic relationships. Many of us have gone through the early part of our adulthood residing in our masculinity. We were the initiators, the leaders, the providers, the driving forces of our unions. Often, we endured abuse of various forms, consequently reacting with violence of our own, due to the incapability of our partners to create a safe space for our innate femininity to flourish.

Let me pause here and say that I am a huge believer and supporter of the idea that romantic and communal relationships thrive best when driven by Womb wisdom; this does not equate to leadership. I believe that a man operates best when he is given space to direct the trajectory of the relationship, while the woman supports and influences decisions made on behalf of the union. The masculine provides, protects, and directs, while the feminine reciprocates with intuitive wisdom, nurture, and Spiritual protection.

Many of us have forcibly operated from our masculine energy because we watched our mothers do so. In union, we’ve provided for, protected, and led relationships, only to end up exhausted and frustrated, with heart strings suffering and barely anchored. We know this, because the chest pain that ensues in moments of intensity is excruciating and undeniable. The carelessness in which we have been handled, and the lack of consideration for our emotional vitality quickly lands us in danger territory. Yet, we are told to endure. This is where the revolutionary movement of gentleness and softness comes in. It is a call for us to intentionally return to our femininity, first giving it to ourselves, so that we may flow at a frequency that requires it in consistency. We’re learning to romanticize our lives so that anyone who desires to share space with us will do the same. We are training our bodies to find harsh environments repulsive. Why? Because we’ve landed into the truth that our hearts are more than a commodity for capitalistic living- that suffering isn’t required for a fulfilled life, nor for successful relationships.

Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy, informally known as broken heart syndrome or stress-induced cardiomyopathy, is a phenomenon that isn’t spoke of enough. So let’s explore it a bit. According to the American Heart Association, broken heart syndrome can be induced by any stressful event and the signs and symptoms mimic that of heart attack, which is why it can sometimes be misdiagnosed as such. During an episode of broken heart syndrome, the left ventricle (pumps blood out of the heart, to the aorta, then to the rest of the body) enlarges and pumps less efficiently, causing the rest of the heart chambers to pump more forcefully. Consequently, cardiogenic shock can happen. This is when an acutely weakened heart is unable to provide the body with the blood it needs, which can turn fatal if not treated immediately. In addition to cardiogenic shock, chordae tendinae rupture may also occur, although rare. It is when the “heart strings” that anchor the heart valves to the papillary muscle of the heart literally snap. They aren’t elastic. They are made of fibrous connective tissue, and extreme stress on the heart can cause them to break.

I am highly confident in saying this: there are black women who have died from this; we are just unaware due to lack of medical evidence. “Mama had a bad heart” because she was stressed, snatched out of her femininity, and abused.

How much does a heart cost? A 2019 business insider article states that the average cost (of course including the transplantation surgery) is $1,382,400. On the black market? Ranker.com places it at $119,000. At face value, a heart is quite affordable for those who got it. But let’s consider the non-tangible aspects of life. How much exactly does a heart cost? How much attention do you pay for the impact of your intentions? How much attention do you pay for the impact of your words? What is the price point of your actions when in communion with fellow members of Humanity? If it is factual that the health of the heart contributes to our physical, mental, emotional, and Spiritual well-being, what gift of exchange do you present at the barter of energy and frequency? How much does a heart cost…………..to you? How much value do you place on the holistic functionality of any being you choose to exchange time and space with?

I’ve recently had to ask myself this question after being pulled out of my femininity. I saw myself give in to harsh conditions, which led me to speak words of violence that I normally wouldn’t as one who innerstands the aforementioned totality of the heart. In science and spirit, I innerstand its fragility, yet, because gentleness and softness were no longer a part of my internal reality, I disregarded the cost. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. Not one bit. Would I do it again if given the opportunity? Absolutely not. Because in doing so, I shifted the frequency of my energetic compass. Since then, however, I’ve taken care to romanticize my life. Beauty surrounds me because I am beautiful, in every single aspect. I’ve returned to my baseline of softness and gentleness because I am, now more than ever, aware of the cost of my heart. Sure, it was broken, but I’ve made it my responsibility to fix it.

Be very mindful with how you deal with people. Count the cost of every heart to heart interaction and move accordingly. You can break your own heart in the process of disregarding another’s. Be blessed!

© 2021 The Evolving Goddess

Houston, J. (2019). Why organ transplants are so expensive in the US. Retrieved 5 December 2021, from https://www.businessinsider.com/why-organ-transplants-so-expensive-united-states-2019-9#:~:text=The%20average%20billed%20cost%20of,organs%20aren’t%20much%20cheaper.

Is Broken Heart Syndrome Real?. Retrieved 5 December 2021, from https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/cardiomyopathy/what-is-cardiomyopathy-in-adults/is-broken-heart-syndrome-real

Taylor, A. (2021). Here’s What All Your Organs And Parts Are Worth On The Black Market. Retrieved 5 December 2021, from https://www.ranker.com/list/organ-cost/april-a-taylor

Posted on by Miss Goddess

The Exercise of God

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”- Marianne Williamson

No sooner than when I started reading the Bible for myself did I realize the height of bullshit Christianity is. I progressively became aware and simultaneously uneasy at the level of unbelief and fearsome dis-ease that plagued the pews I sat in every Saturday. In some way, the Christian culture has found a miserable medium between leading members toward reaching their highest Spiritual potential and having them crawling at baseline powerlessness, both of which are dependent on how much one has allowed the devil to infiltrate his or her life. Such infiltration includes but is far from limited to being evidenced by anything that resembles power outside of Jesus, namely witchcraft.

In the initial months of me pulling away from the church and claiming Earth-based Spirituality and majick, rumours of my transition reached my former best friend and she reached out to me. I will admit that I didn’t have any expectations when the first thing she asked was regarding what cards I was using, however, I was heavily disappointed in her approach. Rather than seeking to innerstand the reasoning and motivation behind the shift, my inbox was graced with YouTube links for videos from a former satanist, warning about satanism. First of all, I DON’T CLAIM THAT NIGGA’S EXISTENCE! The religious and spiritual systems of my bloodline do not acknowledge the existence of a designated spiritual adversary. That’s another thing I could never, for the life of me, grasp about Christianity. Why does an entity who “walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour” get so much attention and credit? Why is it that when one does wrong, the responsibility for the wrongdoing goes to Satan- as if humans don’t have the power to choose. Where is the accountability? Within a religion that teaches that all things good are only possible through an external power, I suppose it is feasible to ascertain that the opposite should be true, right?

Although I can write all day about the contradictory themes in the Bible, I didn’t burn mine because of my realization of its usefulness in my Craft. One of my favourite texts is Proverbs 18:21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” In African Traditional Relgions (ATRs) and their derivative spiritual systems, the most powerful tool is the Practitioner’s tongue. This is not to discredit thought, because that’s where speech is initiated, but the Word is prophecy. It is Creator and Creation. It is the culmination of all things God because it can be used to birth or destroy. I truly believe that this power is what is feared most. I know this to be factual because of my decade-long war with my Mom over what I can or cannot do.

Last semester, I was on a job search and my aunt helped me find employment in a Rehabilitation and Long-term Care facility. Though I was appreciative of the gesture, I quickly learned how dangerous this place was for me, as a novice nurse, due to the unsafe nurse-patient ratios and inconsiderate treatment of employees. I had no desire to be a part of something potentially detrimental to my career, especially so early in its commencement, so I left. My mother soon found out about this move and lectured me on how irresponsible I was being and refused to listen to my reasoning (she has no educational or experiential knowledge in nursing or the medical field). For the weeks following my departure from that job, she repeated spells of doubt over me, telling me that what I was looking for, better working conditions, doesn’t exist. This isn’t the first time she’s done this, so per custom, I blocked her out. For someone who believes in an all-powerful God, her unbelief, projected doubt, and refusal to assist my efforts by praying on my behalf were telling of her decided powerlessness. The oxymoronic dynamic between belief and action is frighteningly imperceptible in the average Christian. Not to mention, her blatant disrespect of my manifestation power was quite telling as well, then again, this isn’t our first time in this kind of conflict. It is documented history that I accomplish whatever the fuck I say I’m going to, unless the Creator presents better, all while battling her mission to counteract my efforts with doubt and outlandish predictions of my failure, based on her belief of what Jesus wants for me. That’s a whole novel on its own, lol.

I kept praying and invoking Ancestral assistance, and two weeks ago, I received an email from an employer about 10 minutes away from me, offering an interview. Let me just highlight that I didn’t apply; they reached out to me. Not only that, compared to the 2.9 rating and 30-60:1 nurse-patient ratio of my former employer, this new place of opportunity has a 5-star overall rating and a 18-24:1 nurse-patient ratio. I went to the interview and got the job on the spot, and all the paperwork for my start date is currently being finalized. I didn’t bother telling my mother this news, because Sis’s innergy was heavy hindering instead of assisting, but when I saw her this passed Sunday, she took it upon herself to congratulate me for landing a job she tried to convince me DOESN’T EXIST.

Her fear has never been that I am incapable or inadequate of all that I reach for, it is, in fact, that I am powerful beyond measure (outside of church culture), and choose to exercise my innate creative prowess in these streets. Fuck fear.

© 2020 The Evolving Goddess